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08:32 pm: Living with my mother is making me crazy
I think living with my mother might be making me crazy. I don't know why but I can't seem to handle the stress of life when I am residing in her house.

It could be her OCD causing me to panic every time my daughter puts something out of place and spills food and drink.

It could be that she constantly questions my parenting and undermines everything I do and say as a parent. But my mother-in-law to be also does this so I am getting used to it. I just take a deep breath and pretend I can't hear what is being said.

It could be that she sat me down the other day to advise me that the wedding I am planning is a ridiculous idea and that I should just get married in her backyard to save money (or my nanny's because that is neutral territory for my dad) and that I need to be ruthless and slash half the guest list and that I need to tell people they can't bring their kids (almost all of my friends have children or babies).

It could be that I am sleeping in a room where the bed has to be packed away every day because people need to use it to use the phone and computer. It could be that the room has no door and is right next to the kitchen so I can't get my child to sleep at night because people are using that area and the lights are on and that at least one house member gets up for work at 4.30am (so that is when i wake up).

Anyway, I am taking herbal "calm" tablets from the health food store, which I am not certain are really working, but the placebo effect may be helping me believe that I feel better and I suppose that is good. I just need to get out of this house.

Current Location: the folks place
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: The air-conditioning gently humming in the background
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