A time without the internet
20th January 2016
Sometimes having a child is a blissful period of witnessing the miracle of life and all of the beauty we can create and sometimes it is like throwing yourself onto hot concrete, painful with a burn that stays.
The thing is that you don’t have good days and bad days as a parents. You have moments and your day swings wildly between the two the entire time (except when they sleep and you smile with hope that the quiet time lasts at least as long as that cup of tea you have been craving).
Today is another day. A day of love and kisses, playing games, watching movies, getting cuddles, going swimming, screaming tantrums, being bitten and 15 minutes of nap time with no chance of another nap in sight (oh i despair).
We lack routine at the moment and we lack stability. We have shifted from location to location and for the first time in my life, I want to be still. So still. I want to experience life in one place and one place alone. I do not have any desire to travel or even leave. I just want a stable place to reside and rest but I feel that this may actually be an illusion.
21st January 2016
I have a lot of things to look forward to at the moment. I am moving into a new house and starting a new job and I will be reunited with my cat soon (I think I probably miss her more than she misses me).
But because of all these really exciting things that are happening, I feel like this week is taking forever to finish!
I have tried to fill up the time with things that will help it pass. Shopping, visiting friends and family, taking my daughter to the park. This tactic has not worked unfortunately and I am waiting desperately for the process of moving (I am sure it will be fine).
For the first time in years, I am actually looking forward to moving house. I think perhaps the extended length of time without a stable house has given me more energy to get the move in progress. Anyway, until that occurs, I will hide in the little granny flat where we are staying and sit in front of the ancient air conditioner and listen to the sound of it struggling against the heat. I would rather it than me.
26th January 2016
I have a house. We have a house. We are renting a place with my sister and her husband. This is in part a convenience as we all have pets and will sometimes require pet sitting and also splitting rent between four people is much better for saving for things such as my impending wedding.
I am feeling hopeful and also exhausted. We moved all of our boxes of things into the house last night and slept on mattresses on the floor. Well, my partner and daughter slept, I don’t know why but I had trouble sleeping and ended up unpacking boxes until 3am. This was good though. It felt productive and I ended up crawling into bed and sleeping until 7.30am.
Today the unpacking continues as we realise how much we actually have in a house with no storage. It may be time to cull a lot of the things that we have accumulated. We have ended up scoring a few excellent cupboards for clothes from family members who were getting rid of them anyway. I am also going to paint at some point. We have permission to paint two of the bedrooms because they are in poor condition due to the previous residents being teenage boys. Lots of holes where shelving once was and thumb tacks and blu tak everywhere. Also stickers. My bedroom door has an abundance of dragon ball Z stickers mixed with bike and clothing brand logos.
Whilst the mountain of work ahead of us seems daunting, I am also looking forward to settling in and creating a home. We have been drifting for a while and I think it is finally time for a rest and to settle. I do think that if we are to do more moving we should do it in the next 3 years before my baby starts school, but I am also happy to put up these wandering feet for a while.
28th January 2016
The animals have settled in well. The dogs are happy and running about the yard. They have a little kid to play with and extra people to pay them attention. The cat has started purring and sleeping on my bed.
I am in the midst of renovations and exploration of yet more furniture places to see if we can find what we are looking for. So far, no luck, but I shall head further afield tomorrow and may find what I am looking for.
My daughter is settling in too. She has worked out the space and how it is working for her. She is running around and playing with the animals and interacting with all the adults. She is cooking with her aunty, reading books with her daddy and playing games and drawing with her mum.
We walked down the end of the street today and although it was hot and steamy, I felt renewed just by being in the bush. Strange how a small saturation of flora can reinvigorate me.
29th January 2016
It turns out that shopping for furniture is very difficult. It has been hard to find the sort of thing that I want for the house. I am being fairly specific due to the shortage of space and the need for furniture that is also a receptacle for linen and the strict budget imposed by my fiancé who is happy to live like a monk if it means he saves money.
I have frequented several furniture stores, antique and second hand stores and have not found what I am looking for. My fiancé did say that he has found a blueprint online explaining how to make the piece of furniture that I want, however, I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on him as he already has a physical job that he works six days a week.
We shall see how things pan out over the next little while. We just need a little more storage to unpack into and then we shall be settled in. Right now there are piles of books and linen and all kinds of nicknacks spread about the house. If the furniture and moving gods are kind to us, we shall find what we are looking for.
Good news, we found a bookshelf. And just like that, things have begun to rearrange and sort themselves out. There is still a lot of sorting that has to occur but for the moment, things are starting to very slowly fall into place.
I feel as though there is so much floating around my brain at the moment and I need to catch on so many things and also complete a lot of things and although I may have created a list of tasks too great for myself, I feel I will get there in the end. Even if some of the deadlines are a little late.
31st January 2016
Today felt very stressful, I presume due to lack of sleep. I do not cope well with poor sleep, however, with a toddler it seems to come with the territory. So today goes firmly in the category of days I would like to burn in a fire. That is not to say that it was a bad day, I don’t wish the day away but I wish away the feeling that today presented.
1st February 2016
Everything is coming up Milhouse.
It is amazing how up and down this process has been for me. I know it will be fine and my moods are normally a little bit dynamic but right now they change more frequently than the weather.
Today feels calmer, somehow, less chaotic and a little more (not a lot) organised.